tardis social :: part of something social :: the open minded friendship mecca


	Dear Davros... I can't decide Whether you should live or die Oh, you'll probably go to heaven Please don't hang your head and cry No wonder why My heart feels dead inside It's cold and hard and petrified Lock the doors and close the blinds We're going for a ride. Love, The Master <sigh> Fortunately I can decide without all this pansy poetry. I would just say die, but I suspect you're still a little crispy ducked! Dear Davros... My sister-in-law drives me to dispair. The pretentious cow has named her three children Ptolemy, Persephone and Cillit-bang. Surely this is child cruelty? Should I phone Social Services anonymously? Elizabeth Swollocks, Forest of Dean If you feel it appropriate to ask my advice may I suggest you use a very primitive device called a "spell check"? At least when my Daleks destroy humanity we have the courtesy to do so with GRAMMAR! Bang! And the Answer's Done! Dear Davros... I'm trying to get stuff and people make fun of me. I want to be like you Alan UK Ahhh, my humble novice! Travel to the Earth in the year 200,000, get spiked, and you will soon realise the way of the Daleks! Dear Davros... Pouvez vous m'aidez s'il vous plais? J'ai oublie de placer la vidéo pour "Medicin Qui" ce soir. Je suis tres stupide! Avez vous une copie? M Bondot, Paris. Votre technologie primitive n'est rien sans Dalek l'intellect supérieur! Dear Davros... I've mislaid my only copy of 'The Highlanders' Episode 1. Does anybody have a spare one? Even a VHS will do! Mrs. P Nash, London. You dare to assume that I will waste my valuable time on some pathetic drivel? You lower your menial humanity to begging for your "hobby" on even a mere video cassette? You expect anybody to CARE? Dear Davros... I'm 22 years old, and oh my god you're... you're... GOREGOUS! God, I could eat you, you're so sexy! Come and get me baldy! I have SUCH a thing about older men in wheelchairs... YUM! Jenny, Norwich. I well erm yes.... Dear Davros... What do you think of the Eurovision Song Contest? Jean-Claude, Putney The IGP's (Interplanetary Guild of Power) attempt to mask their annual meeting, reviewing their strategy on universal domination, is pitiful. Member of the IGP Dear Davros... When hosting a dinner party, what wine should I serve with pork? Red or white? And is creme brulee an easy dessert to prepare or should I stick to something simple like crumble and custard? Anne Cakebread, Beeston. Stick to something simple. Like suffering a long and painful death while you cry out for mercy to the most advanced creation in the Universe! Host a Dinner Party? You will be hosting a wake for ALL your disgusting race! Dear Davros... fdhdhfkkklgtr M of B. Ah! The first stage of my experiment is going well...		Dear Davros... The Clangers hmmm hmmm The Teletubbies The Clangers hmmm The Teletubbies Which is best? Teletubbies? or Clangers? Love, Harry "Saxon" Hill These inferior beings from your pathetic planet mean nothing to me and are not worthy of the column inches. I am bored of these stupid questions which have nothing to do with universal domination at all. Dear Davros... Hey I love the Daleks! They're AWESOME! Do you think I can have a travelling machine? I got er 27p a button, a half eaten Polo and an assortment of Guitar Picks :) Jack, Earth Yes, of course, you can have a travelling machine, You're already in it. Just put one foot in front of the other and you're travelling. Of course you might have been referring to a TIME machine, which of course I would be happy to just give you as clearly I wouldn't have used it to escape from this miserable planet and then return to conquer your pathetic world with a new supreme force of Daleks! Dear Davros... I am addicted to a television programme that is beginning to take over my life and, particularly, my Saturday evenings. After 45 minutes of this programme the local broadcasting corporation then follow it with an additional "behind the scenes" programme, which is also 45 minutes. Along with about half a dozen spin-off series and a number of websites devoted to it, I don't think I can keep up. What do I do? Troubled of Taunton Consider realigning your priorities towards your plans for world domination. When you've got a grip, THEN take up my valuable time. Dear Davros... I love my boy friend but he's forever cheating on me and treating me badly. What should I do? Heart Broken in Hugta Minor You are NOTHING compared to my SUPERIOR intellect. You are NOTHING! Your foolish humanity marks you out as the sub species the Doctor defends. You are weak and you WILL DIE! Help! I've just accepted a new job, but to be honest I think I was only chosen because nobody else wanted it. I'm panicking now that I've taken on more than I can handle and everyone will think I'm a useless idiot. I'm due to start on June 27th. Gordon Brown, London Gordon, your humanity is for once your strength. Do not further trouble yourself with your new responsibilities. Instead I will shoulder them for you, bestowing on you my centuries of knowledge, experience and power. All I ask is that you accept my every instruction so together we may take our message out to the whole universe! My wife is constantly complaining that I never help with the household chores. The problem is I'm so busy watching DVD box sets of '24' and 'The Sopranos' to help her out. Aside from that, I say housework is women's work. However she says I'm a lazy male chauvanist pig and a real man would take an equal share of the household chores. Who is right? Phillip Erasmus M'Bondo Stoke Newington (Unfortunately Davros is on holiday this week) Dear Davros... If you're so powerful why are you doing some stupid agony aunt column, you prat? Anne Marie, Barking You DARE to challenge me, the Creator of the Daleks? You DARE? You want me to reveal my most devious of crimes? Ha! I have infiltrated this pathetic bunch of humans so that I may harness the power of the World Wide Web and take over the EARTH! Dear Davros... I went to Argos the other day and bought myself a camcorder with my birthday money. Anyway, it turns out that a mate had bought me one already. I took the camcorder I had bought back but they advised me that I can't return it unless there's something wrong with it. Where do I stand as I don't need two camcorders? Vince, Mars Give you a tenner for it.

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